


Tear Me to Pieces, Skin to Bone

by ThKdsArntAlrght



Series: Lovely [1]
Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Anorexia, Boys In Love, M/M, Triggers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-12
Updated: 2019-03-12
Packaged: 2019-11-16 00:22:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18083789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThKdsArntAlrght/pseuds/ThKdsArntAlrght
Summary: Baz is late. It's not what Simon thinks. Or what anybody thinks, really.-“Hi, Fiona. Oh, I'm fine….I just called to let you know that I'm a gay, anorexic mage, on tip of being a vampire. Okay, love you, bye.”





	Tear Me to Pieces, Skin to Bone

**Author's Note:**

> the title comes from "lovely" by billie eilish feat. khalid.
> 
> the chapter title comes from "you don't get me high anymore" by phantogram

**SIMON**

 

   Having Baz back at Watford is strange. I've gotten so used to him being gone that I don't know how to deal with him being back. I miss Penny in our room already. I tell him this one night, and he just sneers.

 

   “Of course you do, _Snow_.” There's no huge insult there. He's off his game. I don't think Baz is plotting anymore.

 

He still won't talk about where he was. Not with anyone, apparently. I'm wondering if he's gravely ill. I don't know why, but the thought of losing Baz is intolerable.

 

   He's always been on the thin side, but he almost looks like one of those people who see on the tabloids in the supermarket. The ones that claim the celebrity lost ‘ _x amount of pounds_ ’ and is ‘ _slowly dying!_ ’. 

 

   He really has lost a drastic amount of weight, and I briefly wonder if he's trying to. I shake that thought away. Eating disorders are for Normals. Baz is _fine_. Probably just a stupid vampire, and fine.

 

**BAZ**

 

   I never thought I would be like this, but I've begun to take an “everything is optional” approach to life. _Everything_. Including life.

 

   Fiona does not appreciate this attitude. She gave me a while to mope before storming into my room, throwing open the curtains, and yanking me out of my warm blanket cocoon. 

 

   “Get up, you fucking loser. You smell like death and look like it too. Your mother did not die for you so you could slowly kill yourself!” She snarled. I shuffled to the bathroom to appease her and hoped that she would leave. She didn't. Daphne made me breakfast that I could take to go and helped Fiona pack my school trunk. I simultaneously love and hate them for that.

 

   Daphne is cool, for the most part. We have an understanding. I'm somewhat her son. She's somewhat my mother figure, but she in no way replaces my mom. I also have to give her props. She realized I was gay before I did. We only talked about it once, just long enough for her to say she knew and she loved me. Usually, I would just mumble it back. That time, I actually hugged her.

 

   I know that Daphne really does love me, because she never told anyone about it. My father loves me too. Or rather, the idea of me carrying on the Pitch name. Fiona definitely won't. She's fallen for someone she shouldn't have again, only this time she won't tell me about it. He must be a truly awful git, since she won't say a word.

 

   I don't know how Fiona would feel about the whole gay thing. I think she might be fine with it. Now, the Snow thing would be a definite issue. I can hear her voice in the back of my head, indefinitely bitching. _‘If you want to shag a bloke, that's fine. Just find a different one, Basilton!’_

 

   I had almost told her as I opened the door to slide into the front seat of her car. She interrupted me.

 

. “Nope. Not happening. The front seat is for people who haven't spent the last chunk of their lives mopping.” She shoved a small container full of breakfast foods into my hands as soon as I strapped myself in. “Don't make a mess either. I like my car more than you at the moment.”

 

   I simply nodded. I didn't have the heart to tell her that I wasn't going to eat any of it. I pushed it around, took bites when she was looking, then spat them out into napkins when she wasn't. I put the “empty”container in my bag when I was finished with the theatrics. She looked satisfied.

 

   When Fiona had dropped me off at school, she had hugged me several times, then told me never to speak of it. That's very typical of her. She's secretly soft, but she would rather die than admit that. I wonder how badly knowing my secrets would tear her apart.

 

_“Hi, Fiona. Oh, I'm fine….I just called to let you know that I'm a gay, anorexic mage, on tip of being a vampire. Okay, love you, bye.”_

 

   Some things are better left unsaid.

 

**Author's Note:**

> hello! i wrote this at midnight when i couldn't sleep, because i suck. i hope it's at least okay. i don't feel like i captured my boys very well. i intend on making this a multiple chapter fic, within a multiple fic series, but who the hell knows? 
> 
> anyways, enjoy. -magnus


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